Miss Independent

Amelia is growing more independent everyday. She says "I pick" and wants to pick her own clothes, snacks. The night before last Travis was giving her a bath and getting her ready for bed and I could hear her screaming. I asked why she was so upset and he said because she didn't like her pajama choices. She is a good sister and tries to help Truman. He was crying tonight, and she brought him her blanket, bear and milk. She never shares her blanket and bear. She is also getting bossy. He gets into things and she says "Truman, no, no, no!" It's so cute. She is getting better at learning her letters and counting to 10.

Tonight Amelia and Truman were under her blanket playing peekaboo.

Truman is pulling up on everything and starting to take steps holding on to the furniture. Travis thinks he'll take steps by Christmas, but I am not so sure. I noticed tonight that his next 2 top teeth have broken through. That makes 4 on top and 2 on bottom. He was kinda fussy tonight, so that explains it. He's still a very happy, sweet boy, even when he's fussy.

Closure Is Bullshit

***Dead baby post disclaimer...stop reading now if this bothers you.

So, yeah I have an "angel baby" or what ever you want to call a stillborn child that is nameless that you are unsure how to refer to it as. Baby A has been on my mind alot over the last few months and I am not totally sure why. I think the miscarriages that my friends (Hollie, Kyra, Megan) have experienced and my Halloween cemetery visit have made it stick in my mind. When touring the cemetery and seeing all of the baby headstones, I feel a huge regret in my heart that I did not hold, see, or honor my baby's existence. I simply had him thrown out as medical waste. At that time, I just couldn't fathom what was happening and just wanted it to be over. After seeing all of the babies at the cemetery, I wish I would have done something for him, to acknowledge that someone knew him and that someone was me and me alone.

I know miscarriage and stillbirths are a fairly common occurrence, but it doesn't make it any easier. Here I am, nearly 3 years later with 2 perfect kids, still talking about it. I guess it's like people who went through the tornado here, or the loss of a loved one, regardless of how much time goes by, they still need to talk about it and the loss. When things in life happen to you like that, you cannot go on and not be changed. Closure is bullshit.

***P.S. I am fine, don't worry about my mental/emotional state if you are reading this. This is my blog and journal and I am writing for me, so if you happen to read it, that's ok, but it's really for me.

Christmas Parade

Ashley, Clint and the kiddos came up after church today to moms. Mom made pancakes, eggs and sausage for lunch. Today was the Christmas festivities around town, home tours, shopping, etc. Ashley and I took Truman and Saige to the commons for Ashley's first new old soda fountain drink and to see the museum. Mom and dad worked decorating the pickup for the parade. Mom got hats and sleepers for all the kids. The little ones rode with dad and Ashley inside and mom, clint, the big 3 and I were in the back. It was a little cold, but fun. It was another nice day of family and cousin play time.

Merry Christmas from the Barnes Family

Haircuts

This morning I took the kids for haircuts, Amelia's 2nd, Truman's 1st. They both sat really well while Debbie cut their hair. No more curls for Tru.

Le Cordon Bleu here she comes...

Today the kids and I went down to Clint and Ashley's for the afternoon. The kids had a good time playing. While we were gone, gma Pat brought over the play kitchen set from when Trav and Kim were little and set it up in the basement. We took Amelia down there, but didn't tell her there was something new. We just waited for her to see it. I wish I would have got a picture of her expression when she saw it. She gasped and got big eyes and started getting out all of the foods, dishes and utensils. With each cabinet she opened, she gasped. She served me a hotdog, and even put ketchup and mustard on it. Travis and Truman got waffles with pats of butter on top. For dessert, she brought me a piece of cake and sang 'Happy Birthday to you!' as she brought it to me. Alana, Scott, Bo and Cole came by and she and Bo made blueberry muffins for everyone. It was too cute!

Thanksgiving

We had Thanksgiving today at mom and dad's house. Clint and Ashley and their tribe were here, Tony, Loretta, Cynde, Ray and Pat. It was a great day, lots of good food, not too much crying from the kiddos. We are very blessed and have so much to be thankful for. We might complain about a lot, not having this or that, wishing we could win the lottery, but when I put it in perspective, we have all that we need and more. I choose to find the joy and blessings in our everyday and what we have.

 Starting a new tradition of measuring the kiddos on the door in the shop.